EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT: Jilly Cooper

Sorry, what year is it? 1985?

Oh, stop being so boringly modern. You’d love Jilly if you gave her a chance.

I refuse to be seen with a book called Tackle!

You’re referring, I think, to the publication this week of the 11th in the Rutshire Chronicles series?

Haven’t we had all the knickers flying across show rings that we need for one lifetime?

Ah, but anti-hero Rupert Campbell-Black no longer bestrides the equestrian world.

What does he bestride now?

A struggling football team, plus associated glamorous PAs, lusty Wags and sassy press officers.

The man must be about 150.

He’s 67, actually.

How do you know?

Because he was 60 in Mount! And that was seven years ago. It means he’s now the perfect age to hold a…

…bus pass?

I was going to say ‘statesman- like maturity’.

He’s basically a randy pensioner.

In the character outlines in Tackle! ‘he’s still Nirvana for most women’.

Not for Generation Z. A new survey says they want to see less sex in the media. It’s being dubbed the ‘sex recession’.

Sounds dull. What do they want to see instead?

More representations of platonic relationships.

Rupert Campbell-Black wouldn’t understand that phrase. If his signet ring doesn’t find itself in uncharted territory, he counts it as a failure.

Please don’t quote me that scene from Mount! ‘She gasped as his warm hands slid under the elasticated waist of her jeans, gold signet ring catching the light.’

Why not? It’s classic Cooper.

LOUISA THE STABLE LASS IS ALSO KNOWN AS ‘LOU-EASY’ 

Because it’s been endlessly discussed by young readers on X (Twitter).

Are they keen to know what happens next?

No, they’re keen to know what an elasticated waistband is doing in a sex scene.

Maybe the youth will prefer the adaptation of Rivals (1988), the second of the Rutshire Chronicles books. It’s due to be shown on Disney+ later this year.

I very much doubt it: the production involved two intimacy coordinators!

Well, the prudish youth is just going to have to strap in. Maybe they can learn a thing or two.

Jilly Cooper doesn’t think the young understand sex either.

She’s right!

She told The Times, ‘Millennials are very sweet… but I’ve read they’re all virgins. They shut themselves away to watch porn all day, or so I’ve read. They must find it difficult to get turned on by normal sex.’

To be fair, she’s made concessions to modern sensitivities.

Really?

In 2015, the new cover for Riders, first published in 1985, was altered to change the positioning of a male hand on a female buttock.

Where did it move?

About three inches northeast.

What about the characters in the new book. Are they any less sexually stereotyped?

Give me a minute – I’m checking. There are 94!

94! Rupert C-B’s going to need a shipment of Viagra.

There’s Marketa Melnik, who likes to read in bed.

Read what?

Men’s tattoos.

Are there any women who don’t have sex as their defining character trait?

Louisa Malone – she works at Penscombe stable.

Good, a skilled woman who...

Oh, no, hang on, I’ve just spotted her nickname.

Which is...

‘Lou-Easy’. Maybe you’d prefer Sandra Pitt.

Go on…

Jilly Cooper describes Sandra (affectionately known as ‘Sand Pitt’) as ‘cuddly’.

And what does ‘Sand Pitt’ do for a living? Astrophysicist? CEO of a FTSE 100 company?

Apparently, she ‘doesn’t work but has had a lot of work done on her’. However, there is a business brain in the story – an inventor.

And what have they invented?

A sweet, lickable silver paint …called Glittoris.